Jim Johnson is part of the stench of Washington D.C.  Mr. Johnson made over $20 million running Fannie Mae, a government-sponsored but shareholder-owned company, and at the same time took special low interest loans from Countrywide Financial.  We can't figure out how this behavior isn't criminal.  But that's Washington.

Senator Obama erred in naming Johnson to his VP Search Team. 

Now that Johnson has stepped down, the ObamaFest Team is stepping in.  We'll give Senator Obama the short list he deserves.

We start with the usual suspects: Democratic Governors and Senators.  We're not going to go off the board with active or retired military personnel - that's how you end up with an Admiral Stockdale-type mumbling "Who am I?" during a national debate.

Some of our disqualifiers may seem petty, like nepotism or toupees.  But if you're in the same high office your father held, then your achievement is tainted.  And if you think that people won't notice that you've taped a rug to your head, then you are too delusional to be a heartbeat away from The Button.  And while we hate ageism in general, we do think that Senator Obama's opponent is too old to be President, and we therefore eliminate anybody older than McCain.

We'll start with Governors.

Governors Missing the Cut (reason in parentheses):
Mike Beebe – Arkansas (toupee)
Bill Ritter – Colorado (pro-life)
Ruth Ann Minner – Delaware (older than McCain)
Rod Blagojevich – Illinois (corrupt)
Chet Culver – Iowa (booze)
Steve Beshear – Kentucky (incompetent)
John Baldacci – Maine (tax-happy)
Martin O’Malley – Maryland (toupee)
Deval Patrick – Massachusetts (inexperienced)
Jennifer Granholm – Michigan (ineligible – Canadian born)
Brian Schweitzer – Montana (too cowboy)
John Lynch – New Hampshire (last name)
Jon Corzine – New Jersey (mistress problems)
Bill Richardson – New Mexico (dopey)
David Paterson – New York (more baggage than the carousel at La Guardia)
Ted Kulongoski – Oregon (climate change nutbar)
Christine Gregoire – Washington (haunted by fishy election decided by dead voters)
Joe Manchin – West Virginia (toupee)
Jim Doyle – Wisconsin (corrupt)
Dave Freudenthal – Wyoming (toupee)

Governors Making the Cut:
Janet Napolitano – Arizona 
Kathleen Sebelius – Kansas
Ed Rendell – Pennsylvania
Phil Bredesen – Tennessee
Tim Kaine – Virginia
Mike Easley – North Carolina
Ted Strickland – Ohio
Brad Henry – Oklahoma

Here are your Democratic Senators:

Senators Missing the Cut (reason in parentheses):
Sherrod Brown – Ohio (one-note protectionist)
Barbara Mikulski – Maryland (older than McCain)
Ron Wyden – Oregon (60 year old man with trophy wife and year old twins at home! No way to get the female vote.)
Mark Pryor – Arkansas (nepotism: father was a U.S. Senator)
Edward Kennedy – Massachusetts (nepotism & booze)
John Kerry – Massachusetts (The most sedated man in America.  Listen to him drone on while a kid gets tasered after asking Kerry a question.)
Robert Casey – Pennsylvania (nepotism – Father was PA Governor)
Barbara Boxer – California (Incompetent)
Dianne Feinstein – California (Loves her job so much she will probably die in office.  Problem is, who will notice?)
Debbie Stabenow – Michigan (Tainted by Indian casino money.  Plus husband’s hooker problem).
Carl Levin – Michigan (Danny DeVito-esque)
Jack Reed – Rhode Island (Big Government drone)
Sheldon Whitehouse – Rhode Island  (“A Sheldon can do your income taxes, if you need a root canal, Sheldon's your man... but humpin' and pumpin' is not Sheldon's strong suit. It's the name. 'Do it to me Sheldon, you're an animal Sheldon, be my VP big Shel-don.' Doesn't work.”)
Ken Salazar – Colorado (Alberto Gonzalez link)
Amy Klobuchar – Minnesota (farm subsidy addict)
Chris Dodd – Connecticut (Throw this Countrywide whore in jail!)
Joe Lieberman – Connecticut (lost his Joe-mentum)
Tim Johnson – South Dakota (toupee)
Joe Biden – Delaware (plugs, caps, face lifts, tanning bed – the George Hamilton of Capitol Hill)
Claire McCaskill – Missouri (personal baggage)
Max Baucus – Montana (Jack Abramoff link, voted for Iraq War)
John Tester – Montana (looks too much like Biff from Back to the Future)
Ben Nelsen – Nebraska (earmark abuser, possible criminal--steered federal pork to company his son works for)
Daniel Akaka – Hawaii (aloha)
Daniel Inouye – Hawaii (mahalo)
Harry Reid – Nevada (disoriented)
Patrick Leahy – Vermont  (a dim bulb in a dark closet)
Jim Webb – Virginia (toupee)
Dick Durbin – Illinois (owned by the farm lobby)
Bob Menendez – New Jersey (ethics problems)
Frank Lautenberg – New Jersey (older than McCain)
Maria Cantwell – Washington (too much coffee)
Evan Bayh – Indiana (nepotism – Senator’s son)
Jeff Bingaman – New Mexico (yawn)
Robert Byrd – West Virginia (older than McCain’s mother)
John Rockefeller IV- West Virginia (“you don’t have to be a Rockefella’ to help a fella”)
Ton Harkin – Iowa (hack)
Hillary Clinton – New York (honest Iago)
Charles Schumer – New York (While Dodd is in Wall Street’s back pocket, Schumer’s scratching things up front)
Herbert Kohl – Wisconsin (older than McCain)
Byron Dorgan – North Dakota (Abramoff stench)
Kent Conrad – North Dakota (Throw this Countrywide whore in jail!)

Senators Making the Cut:
Mary Landrieu – Louisiana
Russ Feingold – Wisconsin
Patty Murray – Washington
Bill Nelson – Florida
Blanch Lincoln – Arkansas
Ben Cardin – Maryland

Others Making the Cut:
Sam Nunn – Co-Chair of the NTI (Nuclear Threat Initiative).  Georgia Senator from 1972-1997.

This wasn't hard at all. 

Here it is, your 2008 VP Short List:
Janet Napolitano – Arizona 
Kathleen Sebelius – Kansas
Ed Rendell – Pennsylvania
Phil Bredesen – Tennessee
Tim Kaine – Virginia
Mike Easley – North Carolina
Ted Strickland – Ohio
Brad Henry – Oklahoma
Mary Landrieu – Louisiana
Russ Feingold – Wisconsin
Patty Murray – Washington
Bill Nelson – Florida
Blanch Lincoln – Arkansas
Ben Cardin – Maryland
Sam Nunn – Co-Chair of the NTI

Unfortunately for the ladies, Obama can't pick a woman.  He would be perceived, among females, as the guy who broke up with one of their girlfriends because he didn't want to get married, then turned around and got engaged to the next woman he met.   It sounds ridiculous, but it's true, and Obama needs to respect the way these broads think if he wants to be President. 

So Here is the True Short List:
Ed Rendell – Pennsylvania
Phil Bredesen – Tennessee
Tim Kaine – Virginia
Mike Easley – North Carolina
Ted Strickland – Ohio
Brad Henry – Oklahoma
Russ Feingold – Wisconsin
Bill Nelson – Florida
Ben Cardin – Maryland
Sam Nunn – Co-Chair of the NTI

At this point we offer two choices to Senator Obama, depending on what he wants from his Vice President. 

If he wants a man who looks good in the role of a President-in-waiting, he goes with Russ Feingold. 

If he wants a man who is a day-to-day working asset of his administration, he goes with Sam Nunn. 

Done deal.  We will forward this to Caroline.